THE WAIT...

The other day I was standing in my balcony, waiting for the one hour long power cut to end (thanks to TN government for this unkindest cut of all :D) That’s when I heard this little girl cry at the top of her voice…… I craned my neck to see who it was, for in our street there are so many tiny tots.

I saw a girl in the front portico of her house, sitting in the lap of her grandma. The granny was wiping her tears off and was saying “ amma ippo varuva paapa, azhakoodathu nee”. Meaning “mommy will come soon baby, don’t cry”

“Oh this kiddo!” I thought as her sob continued to amplify to a dangerous peak!

The kid has both her parents working who come back home late at  night, and leave early at dawn and she, who is about 3 years old and her younger sis, stay with her grand parents all day. No more a strange story.

This reminded me of an SMS joke that I read recently,which was something  like this

KID: “granny, who is that man and that woman who comes at night?? i saw them yesterday….

GRAN:”Thank god! So you have finally seen them!

They are your parents!!! Both work as software engineers.

Now ,Let’s celebrate this!”

May be it’s a bit lame, but I liked this piece of satire.

A sudden bawl from the kid distracted me from my thoughts

  I thought I t wasn’t fair to get irritated at the noise.   What else do you expect her to do?Dance with glee when she longs for her mommy?

THE naked truth is that kids are the most and worst affected when both their parents are working. The bitter consequence of practicality.

 I know some parents who literally hurl their little kids into some crèches or ask the grandparents to look after them. In newspapers, I have read about parents who forgot to pick their kids up from day care centers, in the hangover of dazzling parties at their work.

 Ask these people how they love their children and they would say.”I call my little one everyday from the office” or “I buy him a BIG cake on the birthday” or “ we buy infinite number of toys,chocolates,colour pencils, everyday only for him”  hmmm….so that is LOVE.

I wonder when and how, each and everything in our lives did become so very formal,So very insincere.

In the run to conquer money, time and what not, people don’t realize that they keep dropping,losing, so many things, the foremost being their kids’ childhoods.

Well one can’t even blame the parents completely for they need to work to make both ends meet, but its hurting to find them becoming materialistic nowadays L

 “ALL I WANNA SAY IS THAT THEY DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT US!!!!” Suddenly, I heard MJ scream from my T.V. (I wondered if it was just coincidence or if M.J was echoing the lament of the kidsJ).The current had come at last.

My wait finally was over but the little girl’s was not .I wondered how many more minutes, or hours she had to wait for her mommy to come back home….

After looking at the little girl, who had dozed off by then on her granny’s shoulders, I went in to my room.

Is that why?

Long long ago, on a starry night,

When a rain drop, from the lap of a cloud

Looked down and saw in the deep dark woods,
A lonely white withering rose, sleeping amidst the thorns,

And went with the breeze to touch her face,

And with his cool silver lips, kissed her weak pale cheeks,
The leaves giggled, 
The moon smiled 
and the brook was mute….

And in the serene silence, the rose wake up in shock

And for a moment, went to a daze

But

Slowly then shyly she smiled, and beautifully she blushed

And did her cheeks glow rich deep crimson ….

        So is that the reason why roses are red???

lost?

These responsibilities will tighten around my neck, asphyxiating me….

I would struggle in pain; in vain….

I would helplessly stare at my dreams, when they float like a fragile feather……Out of my reach, soon out of my sight, away, away and away….

This opaqueness, not of the future, but of the now, agonize me…..

BUT...

“In the night will the silver stars glitter,

In my heart will the butterflies flutter,

In the breeze will I hear your song,

In my dreams will you float along,

In your eyes will my heaven stretch afar,

BUT I wont ever know who you are….”

My granny

One never knows the value of his eyes unless he goes blind.

I realized this lesson after the loss of my dear granny.
everything seems like a dream, the reason why  I still am not able to believe that she has actually gone…

We called our granny; “ammamma” (which means grandma in our language).

she was always serene like a clear cloudless sky. she mostly wore only white clothes and always had vibhuthi( the sacred ash) On her forehead.

you can always find her room tidy and neat anytime you visit her. one felt a sense of tranquility in her presence.

she had a handsome walking stick with which we cousins used to playJ.

I still remember how cute her wrinkled soft cheeks looked when she smiled!

Ludo and snake and ladder were her favourite games which she loved to play in the evenings and she was an expert in themJ

She was not very strict but she had a special aura that arrested respect form everyone. She was a wonderful teacher, mother and granny

I had only lived about five years with her in my childhood.but those were  five precious years of my life.

I used to listened to her childhood stories and experiences, the hardships she faced as a child, with great wonder. At her time,people never knew the value of education,but still my grandma became the fist one to get educated and become a teacher in her family. she was a woman of substance and nothing less than real hard work did earn her the good name In the society.

Even today people around the place in my hometown recogonize we cousins as her grand children. Its with great amazement that I still wonder how she managed to bring her six children up, even when she was an employed mother, that too at that time…..

Sometimes god can be cruel and that was why we couldn’t rescue my granny from the jaws of cancer. It was too late, but she fought…

It was a painful sight to see her during her last days.

 i still remember the day when she struggled to open her eyes as a reply to our calls. Through her cheeks, which had then lost all its cuteness, I saw tears flowing down

May be the pain was horrendous for her, or may be she knew that, soon she wouldn’t be able to open her eyes again and  see us again…

Ah how I wished I were big, I weren’t  a kid at that time! To spend all my time with her…taking care of her, to do all I could to rescue her,to make her the sweet dear granny again…

Today she is in the safe hands of god but the truth is she is safe in my heart. It has been five years since her demise and even today I do feel her presence always… I find her in the people who know to love, I find her in the ones who correct me ….she lives within me , She is the good in me….
We miss you dear granny….

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i wish elisa all the  best wishes for the journal "THE GOLDEN SKY"  about her son zeke.
Dear Elisa, God calls back first,the ones whom he loves the most,.... 

Why i love Sirius Black...

"You don't understand!" whined Pettigrew, "He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black. "DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

You remember these impressive lines don’t you??? Well I know it’s a rather bad question, because how can any hp fan ever forget these lines?J

When I first read these lines, it was then I fell in love with THE ONE AND ONLY Sirius black. 

‘Sirius Black’, a deceptive name I would say, because he ain’t actually serious or dark like the feeling the name will evoke, at first.

Sirius! oh words about him are endless-the man to successfully escape from the prison of Azkaban, a brave determined, Rebellious  wizard who never gave into his family’s wishes, who never became a Death Eater, who  never gave up what he believed in, who managed to stay himself in spite of the hard ships and injustice he faced and above all the most loyal, gem of a friend…

““Its been 14 years and still not a day goes by , that I don’t miss your dad” When Sirius says these words to harry,  am sure a poignant smile must have flashed on at least some of your faces


The relationship between harry and Sirius is something very  beautiful, which is another beautiful reason why I like Sirius. He is a perfect god father who seems to exactly know what harry feels and how to console him.  Unlike the other concerned elders of Harry (exactly, like the elders around usJ),who  tend to (deliberately) forget the factor ”teenage” when it comes to matters concerning him, Sirius seem to  know that Harry’s  feelings, the despair, the curiosity, the anger are all completely justifiable, as he  does not forget the fact that once he too had been a teenager. Exactly the reason why he suggests harry to indulge in adventures, like his father who loved nothing but escapades in his teens.

Sirius had always wanted to protect those whom he loved. Even when Sirius  was a wanted man, even with dementors around Hogwarts, when  Harry was in trouble, he  was desperate to help Harry. He was willing to risk,not his life exactly, something more than that, because a dementor’s kiss is worse than death.

I couldn’t stop crying like a small baby and my contempt for bellatrix lestrange was at its peak  when I found that Sirius was killed.(The most touching part is, when harry finds the Christmas gift ,which sirius had given him,after his death and   finds this note “use it if you need me alright?”And  he calls his  dead god father’s name again and  looking into the mirror, hoping he would turn up, oh but all in vain!:(

His want to protect his loved ones,is what had  killed him.He met a his death  while fighting to protect Harry. A brave death indeed  and a fitting, right end for him but still…. he should have lived……SIRIUS BLACKL

So that’s why I seriously love Sirius black:)

Now tell me, which HP character do you like the most??

 P.S. Did you know that “Sirius” is the name given to the brightest star in the sky. The star is also known as dog star, which corresponds to Sirius’ animagus, a dog.

J.K Rowling simply rocks!:)

Do we need to convince others?

Sometimes when you have valid reasons for why a particular decision or say idea of yours is right, surprisingly others reasons for why your idea or actions are wrong ,too will seem logical. of course, if you listen to others with a “whatever-this –fool-says-is –absolutely-insane ” kind of  attitude or  with a “I know better than you” grin,  then you will never realize this.

At this time, you will find that your reasons for why you are right and others reasons for why you are wrong will nullify each others effect!

Have you ever felt like that?  Yes, exactly like the neutralization reaction between an acid and a base or

Like how the work done will be zero when forces are equal and oppositeJ

And in most of the cases when your inability to convince others ,frustrate you, that helplessness may come out as tears, anger and soon there may begin  a petty squabble and you may lose control and your opposer may end up with a punch on his face or you may lose a couple of your teeth,etc etc J

But listen,

If you truly believe that what you did is right, and if you can justify your actions, not necessarily with words, you need not do that mental gymnastics to find out reasons to justify your actions.

Don’t you worry mate,don’t let their contemptuousness affect you,
 because there does not arise a necessity  to convince others, as long as you are sure that with your decisions, you did not cause any harm to anybody in any sense J

Sometimes...

Sometimes this whole world seems uninhabited at the thought of somebody whom I miss the most.

Sometimes the silence and chillness of that cold night, the aroma of that old book and its torn pages, sedate my soul, evoking the memories of my past life.

Sometimes, those crimson eyes follow me wherever I go, like a bloody midnight moon.

Sometimes, curling up under the blanket in bed, with eyes closed give me the feeling that, I am on the safest place on earth.

Sometimes I become an anonymous to myself, in the large floating crowd.

Sometimes the thought of never waking up from my sleep, the next morning is simply amusing.

Sometimes your doubt that, “Is she a little crazy???”, after reading this post, is quite justifiableJ

  

Great Expectations...

He couldn’t believe his eyes….didn’t he expect this from them ever….the realization was like a sudden thunderclap to him.

He didn’t know how to react, worst of all. The room was spinning in front of him. He was shaking with anger, but he wanted to cry and scream.

He wondered how his friends could do this to him. He was losing his mind.                                                 

“I HATE THIS CRUEL WORLD!!!” he shouted at the top of his voice. Tears trickled down his ruby cheeks.

As  he flung his new apple ipad across the bed, and sank his face into the damp pillow, he was cursing his friends, his great expectations, Mark Zuckerberg  and Face book ………  still wondering why nobody had commented on his new profile photo or ‘liked’ It……….

Emptiness...

This Emptiness….like the silence after that roaring rain, like the hush that screaming train leaves behind... 

This emptiness of that perplexing hot lonely afternoon,of that quiet cold cemetery …

Freezing memories that fail to lull me, that hurl Weird dreams at night, that make me squeal like a loon… 
the silence that follows, deadening the soul.

 In the creeping darkness, only ticking clock, tears and me…..

Good byes and reassurance then, now the Daily chores and this wild world, Still this emptiness lurks behind my fake smile….

Survival of the fittest...

It was recently that I came to know about one of my classmate’s motto of life. She said she followed “the survival of the fittest” rule. I was surprised and if at all I had some good impression left, of her, it drained off automatically at that very instant leaving a blank space.

Little did I know that she befriended people only for her advantages. She pushes around with everyone, even with teachers and literally pushes whoever comes her way , to become the first , be it in the queue  for presenting the slide in the bio lab, or for getting apparatus in chemistry lab.

She would be the first to submit any assignments and she often do a Hermione in class…

Seriously her attitude is horrible. I guess anybody in my class would agree with me except for some practical thinkers. (Well don’t bother them. Hmmm ..who knows ,these so called practical thinkers may even support terrorism. The ever increasing human population being the hot problem of today’s world that  causes geologic and economic instability and  decelerates the development of any country ,terrorism is a great “boon” and “solution” to decrease the population rate right?!?:o )

Well coming back to the topic, She seems quite proud to admit that she is over smart! And once said that she is ready to do anything for her education, that being her top priority…..

Now, the whole purpose of education has gone waste!

She justifies all her acts by saying that it was the problem of today’s world where one cant survive, unless one can compete and win and be perfect of all. And hence only the fittest would survive. Now that leaves a lot for me to wonder. i should say this is insane. What are we up to?

Let me tell you my view on competition .competition only reflects one’s uncertainness of his abilities and confidence and it further reflects his fear .why because if one really believes in himself, he  will definitelywork at his  own pace.success to him is always visible,unlike for others who runs in search of it....

when one is ready to polish his potential to the core he wont be afraid of anything and most importantly he would compete only with himself.

Today People are so very self absorbed and they are like “oh god, let them all go down in life” hey seriously why cant it be like “oh god help me to come up in life” at least?

Again, “survival of the fittest” is the golden words what is followed in politics too, world wide. No wonder the politics is getting dirtier by day…

Further this phrase was given by the sociologist Herbert Spencer to allude the theory of natural selection given by Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace, something what happens among the lower organisms, where the creatures who can adapt and are reproductively fit would survive and others will be eventually eliminated.

Now are these practical thinkers out there still trying to say that, this is what is required in this era? that homo sapiens should go back  and behave like lower animals?

Who knows they might even nod a yes! wowJthen that’s going to be an interesting irony…..seriously what has happened to the intellect that we are known for?

The cry

Black corpses and shattered fleshes…

Chaos, smoke and wreckage….

Smell of fresh blood lingers in the air

he is there, in that inferno,
running legs nearly stamping him, the wretched tot….

       

His bleeding hands,

Clutching a broken bangle of his lost little sister,

He sits,

Near a handful of ashes and bones-his mother,

He cries and cries all alone,

But this deaf, insane world will never hear

Flowers so bright and vivid

Bloomed in his dreams once….

Now they all wilt in the burning war…

He, now an orphaned, tattered kite,

in this black sky……

The lost love, the blithe childhood,

He will never find again

His little heart will be numb,

His weak eyes will be vengeful soon….

Though far away is he

His cry pierces the silence of this night

Rings badly in my ears,

His cry, a nightmare,

a sharp sword deep into my soul…

Truth...

“Now , whom are you searching for in the desert? The folks whom you thought you saw with you, when you thought you found roses and sunshine? My dear fool, I can only laugh at you…..

Now look down ……can you see your shadow? Yes ! he is your only comrade now….. But soon he too shall dissolve in the darkness…

Why are you crying? This is not a world you can live in..

You dwell in a world where green papers surface over love and relationships are all about mere formalities….you realize that don’t you  now?

Yes, The perilous roots of selfishness and hatred have enmeshed every soul, their inner senses, very badly and here you  are all alone 

    Ultimately Whose is the fault?oh I know not…

 Dear little lamb,your innocence is your predator

    Surely this world doesn’t need you ,BUT hold on….”

Happy Onam!

Its  Onam!!!!

To all my international friends , onam is the traditional festival of happiness,prosperity,and unity to describe onam  in the simplest possible way.there is a legend behind it. check this out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onam:)

Onam ,then was  a beautiful  festival that we, especially cousins used to immensely enjoy, holidays after the exams, the reunion, celebrations, the quest for flowers around the houses and neighbourhoods ,big colourful flower carpet laid in the porticos, the swing, songs, and of course the traditional food!!!wow sweet memories….. happiness and nothing elseJ

Onam now has shrunken ..reunion-has become impossible, few phone calls wishing “happy onam”,no great celebrations, a small flower carpet with the flowers bought from the market and instant food:(…

Well, I guess atleast the spirit is immortalJ J

HAPPY ONAM TO ALL !!!!!!

and Given below is the picture of the small flower carpet which we made at our house J

Little Bird

Far behind the flight of birds that float,

I see you little bird up in the sky,

Fluttering and flapping your teeny wings so hard, so fast

To keep in pace with your gritty family,

To reach home before the sun sinks,

To rise early, before the sun rise..

Not complaining of their inattention to you,

Not afraid of losing your way in the vast blue sky,

Not scared of the eerie heights and the big clouds that come your way,

Dreaming of becoming a big bird soon......
,

You fly, fly ,fly little bird……

Ah how I wish I had your valor!,

this battle was never so harder……

The encounter with the evil...

 “come to me friend” urged the hoarse, but a strangely familiar voice in her

“who are you?” asked she

“the evil in the human mind,where we both belong ”

There was a silence

“why did you come to me?”

“To show you the way, to let you know that your friend is waiting for you.

Do not be afraid,  do not regret now ,I only want you to think….”

“something in me says me that I am your  prey”

“PREY????  How many cordial predators do you know my friend?

<<<<<<>>>>>>>

Do you know who you are?

You are the neutral, the dispassionate one, The subconscious mind of a human……

you have always intrigued me, 

you are innocent, you are pure  .But… it was always hard for me to reach you. very very unfortunate”

“Then how did you find the way now”

“ ah…how I love this unthinkingness

Well, I saw my fogged reflection in you , and the way was clear”

There was a silence and the evil spoke again

“You know how it is?  I can taint any conscious mind, why, your consciousness for that matter, simply, because it’s too naked. Too easy a task. But mine was always a transient victory that way, the ultimate triumph had always been my foe’s ” the anger glittered

“but you cant exist without the good can you?even the good cant,without you…”

“You must know my friend, the good and the evil exist but don’t co exist and the battle for supremacy will continue forever” the voice was calm

“ Like the yin and yang, the sun and the moon”

“ fire and water I prefer”

“who is the water?”

“I am the fire.i have that power in me to rapidly spread. Total destruction i dream.violence I dream.ultimate power I dream” the voice was booming

And again she spoke her  mind,

“I have learned, that fire is the purest element of the earth and can never be dirtied, whereas water can be polluted

You are the evil,polluted to the core…. so will “fire” befit you?”

“HA HA HA !

Knowledge! One of the sharpest weapons of the good against me…..hmmmm I am impressed and my desire to infect you is at its peak, now come to me”

“why should I come to you?”

“Why? Oh you disappoint me again….my dear friend, The darkness has its beauty too. When that scorching sun wears you off, wont you search for a shade? What do you reckon the shade is?

A SHADOW,DARKNESS.

Everything is. We are the world. But you always look from the other side”

 “come to me friend.why is the  delay?

“If good and the evil are two sides of a coin, equal, Why are we the victim of disrespect? dont you think that is unfair?

Fine….Do you know what you mean to this world that you live in? Nothing!

And now…..just a speckle of imperfection, and the good vanishes in you , whereas  a drop of evil in you, will make you a perfect evil..

Which is easier?”

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>

“I am here, ready to embrace you. when you become mine, we shan’t be frightened by anyone for we shall be whom others fear .THE POWER! Come…together we shall sow the seeds of fear,hatred jealousy,violence,agony,greed and anger.lets make this world ours”

Moments passed by, her unconscious mind was still silent.she was thinking… as asked by the evil in her…. She could only do that, before the final step…

the evil showed a smile of satisfaction and was restless to embrace her…

suddenly and finally  the determined calm voice filled the air.

“Dear evil,    

My silence was deceptive and your words failed to be the baits…

I understand, just a moment of instability, confusuion ,anger,wrong desire and that was when my door went ajar and you came in,

But little did you know that The tree of the right and good in me cannot be uprooted totally with the tempest that you had just blown,the reason why the good wins ultimately.

If  You are the victim of disrespect,that is because you dream of becoming a lone emperor, and so you shall be isolated.

its nature’s law! good and bad are equal but they are opposite.

There cant be shade or shadow without light….

you forgot that when you rise to power even the good shall attain the strength.

THE BALANCE…..it shall come even if it needs wait…

I don’t want to be your slave. do you know you I am? I am the shielder..only that I am present inside…..within everyone….

With these words I am lulling you. Now go to sleep the evil in me….”

The sudden disbelief, the sudden devastation of the castle in the air and the sudden shame of wasting a perfect opportunity did or could only come out as anger……

“THOU SHALL COME TO ME! VERY VERY SOON!” shouted the,shrieking voice,spilling anger…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the girl woke up. what did she just see?hear?feel? was it a dream?  

Her wide eyes moved nervously..she got up and walked towards the mirror.

It reflected her.

Her reflection was smiling at her with strange serenity.

she could feel a change in every cell of her body. Just a few hours ago, she was that angry loon, lost in the tunnel, in the darkness, madly happy, eager to kill and die, numb with greed..  but now , now it seemed like she was floating  in the sky. weightlessness, peace. she was calm.

As she peered deeper and deeper into the eyes of the smiling girl in the mirror, She could see a big black butterfly struggling, wincing in pain….

surely it was dying….with its large fluttering wings on crimson fire…

…

remembering MJ...

Yes, some people never die....

IT’S MJ’S 53^RD BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! And who can ever forget his sequin gloves, socks,jackets and pants, penny loafers,FEDORA and MOONWALK!?

 Hope he is happy up there, and still moon walking, making the place, a real rocking heaven J

HE NEVER GETS OLDER BUT ONLY DEARER TO EVERYONE AROUND THE GLOBE!!

The song of a soul.

Free from my transient tomb,

Where I was enchained,

here I am, the immortal me,

floating over this azure ocean, under the moon light,

like a serene feather in the zephyr…

Even in her darkest hours,

Rich yet elegant is she, young nature…

Her splendor enthralling me, dazing me, even a void soul….

Ah! How well have thee painted the world,

with thy colours of nature…

As these glittering stars, and this silent night

lull me now

alone, alone and alone I glide,

losing my way to heaven….